Why Tennis Bracelets Are Important

I wasn't sure if I was running late, so I asked a passign pedestrian, "Excuse me. What time is it?"

He frowned, examining a gadget in his hands. "Ah," he said, "Time is, well, we are not sure. I mean, we know the universe is expanding, so you can say that time is the expanding universe. We also know that some things we remember, and others haven't happened yet, so you could say that time is memory. But it's impossible to see how much the universe has expanded, and memories fade sometimes. So, it is hard to say."

"Uh," I said awkwardly, gesturing to his watch, "I wasn't asking about what time is. I was asking the current local clock results."

"Oh. Sorry, I am a traveling alien philosopher, and my translator is imperfect."

"Yeah, that's great, but what time is it?"

"Sorry, that question is beneath me. I am a genius. I only answer theoretic questions."

"Yeah?" I said, frustrated, "Well, you gave a pretty crappy answer to the theoretical question, too, Mr. Alien Philosopher Genius Unhelpful Guy."

Then we played tennis. To the death. I'm glad that I'm a good tennis player.