I am not sure why I went here

I went to the moral philosophers' office today.

"I would like something that I can put in the pond behind my house, so that it spawns fantastic gobliny little lizard-things, all grey and green and bug eyes and top hats and elegant little tiaras, whispering impossible things."

"Sorry, kid," said the philosopher, stub of a stogie drooping from his mouth, "we're busy merging good cops and bad cops to create a new array of moral possibilities."

Huh.