I don't like Mondays!

I got one of those newfangled alarm clocks!

It starts with a brief noise, loud enough to wake a sleeper, different each time but never unpleasant. Then, using speech-recognition software and an "Eliza"-like dialogue engine, it actively discusses the benefits of waking up. It also gently but firmly insists on realistic scheduling of the morning's events.

And then, it turns into an enormous baleen whale.