May. 11th, 2004

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"Superior cosmic inteligence seeks worthy sapient species," said the personals ad.

So I answered it and found myself exchanging emails with an unknown advanced form of life. You know, on behalf of Homo spaiens. I mentioned, you know, metaphor, and the theory of relativity, and baby sign language. Tool use, formal logic, Burroughs' cut up method, the scientific method, artificial intelligence, mannikins, game theory, music, the space program, nootropics, humor and democracy. I was feeling pretty good hyping us up.

So I was surprised when I got an email response.

"Sorry, the standard orthography for your language has the same symbol for the low back rounded vowel and additive identity; this isn't going to work. Even if that was a coincidence, you should have fixed it by now."

Sorry about that, guys. It looks like we missed our big chance, thanks to some short-sighted Arabic scholar from around the 12th century who didn't even use the Roman alphabet.

Apparently, we need some deciphering.

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