Another day older and deeper in Ted

Now that I don't have a job, I can consider opening up my business. Here's some ideas I had; I'd love to see other propositions.

Humanist Indulgences - available online!
Weddings for hermits
Phrenology consulting to local law enforcement
Metamorphosing into a butterfly; selling webcam access
Clipping coins
9th century Mongol warlord
Alternative fire department
Mineral psychologist
President of the United States
Invisibility lessons
Heir