On My Birthday

At midnight, my skin instantly took on a silvery metallic sheen, and I stopped feeling cold despite wearing thin clothing.

I went to bed around five AM. By that time, I no longer needed my contact lenses, and I was horribly allergic to fruits and vegetables.

When I woke up in the early afternoon, I knew the phone book of Albany, New York - I book I had never before seen - by heart.

Then my sweetie made me the best chili ever.

At sundown, I received a call from the Vatican, offering me the position of cardinal. I politely declined, on account of conflict of interest.

At dinner, I found that I couldn't eat the meat before me, but found the stoneware both edible and satisfying.

And, as midnight came and my birthday ended, I found myself sinking into the earth for a comfortable nap.